More Flights of Fantasy

Oscar De La Hoya
Oscar De La Hoya
By Thomas Hauser

Oscar De La Hoya is planning to fight again. After a period of reflection following his 2008 knockout loss at the hands of Manny Pacquiao, boxing’s Golden Boy will enter the ring on November 20th, one week after the proposed bout between Pacquiao and Antonio Margarito.

“I couldn’t live with myself if I ended my career sitting on the stool against Pacquiao,” De La Hoya told “I want to go out with a big bang. I want to show everybody around the world that boxing is alive and well. I want them to say, ’Look at this big event.’ So I am returning to the ring at the MGM Grand on November 20th to fight Freddie Roach. Freddie Roach is a formidable opponent. I ask myself, ‘Can I win a fight against an opponent with his incredible ring savvy.’ But I promise you that I will be up to the task.”

“This fight is personal for me,” Oscar continued. “Freddie Roach said some things that have really upset me. And he really got my blood boiling when he trained Manny Pacquiao to beat me. When the bell rings, I’m going to punish Freddie Roach. I don’t know who will train me. But I know for certain that he will be the best trainer I ever had and that I will train harder than I’ve ever trained before and it will be the best training camp of my life.”

Golden Boy CEO Richard Schaefer seconded De La Hoya’s thoughts and added, “We have no doubt that this fight will be one of the biggest boxing events of all-time.”

The MGM Grand Sports Book says that Roach has opened as a 7-to-5 favorite.

On another front; Floyd Mayweather Jr adviser Leonard Ellerbe issued a statement today denying that Mayweather’s 2008 wrestling match against Big Show had been fixed.

“Here are the facts,” Ellerbe’s statement read. “Floyd and myself speak to each other on a regular basis. The truth is that there was never any agreement to prearrange the outcome of the fight between Floyd and Big Show. Floyd would never demean his status as an elite athlete by doing anything like that. I know that Bob Arum is telling people that the fight was scripted. Either Bob Arum or myself is not telling the truth, but history tells us who is lying."

Shortly thereafter, Richard Schaefer issued a statement of his own, declaring, “I agree with Leonard entirely with regard to the very exciting athletic competition between Floyd and Big Show. I stand firmly behind Leonard’s remarks.”

Meanwhile, Oscar De La Hoya has sought to explain his June 10th interview with Univision in which he stated, “We are very, very close to finalizing the contracts [for Mayweather-Pacquiao].”

“The interview with Univision was in Spanish,” De La Hoya noted. “And I’ve spoken so much English lately that my Spanish has gotten rusty. I meant to say, ‘No sé nada sobre ningunas negociaciones,’ which means, “I know nothing about any negotiations.’”

Also regarding Mayweather-Pacquiao, Richard Schaefer today denied Don King’s claim that he doesn’t relate properly to Floyd Mayweather Jr because he can’t speak ghetto-ese.

“I speak six languages Schaefer declared. “German, Swiss German, French, English, Spanish, and Ghetto-ese. “I will prove it to you. Yo! Motherfucker! Give me some bling.”
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In the early morning hours of August 15th, emergency rooms in Montreal were deluged by patients as thousands of people suffering from vomiting and nausea sought medical treatment. Initially, there was concern that the wave of illness was caused by a terror attack. Thus, it was a relief when Montreal chief of police Yvan Delorme informed the media, “There was no terror attack. We found out what the problem is. Gary Shaw’s bellyaching and complaining and his allegation that Jean Pascal intentionally head-butted Chad Dawson made everyone sick.”

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In response to a wave of media criticism, the World Boxing Council has decided to fight fire with fire and will form a new BWAA.

“The Boxing Writers of Association of America is no good,” WBC president Jose Sulaiman said at a press conference yesterday. “So for the good of boxing, the WBC is forming the Boxing Writers Association of the Americas. This will be very special because all of the Americas is bigger than just America.”

“And there is much more we have that will be an improvement,” Sulaiman added. “The old BWAA has full members and auxiliary members. The new BWAA will have full members, auxiliary members, interim members, super members, super-duper members, and diamond members. The diamond members will receive a membership card with an itsy-bitsy diamond in it, which, of course, they will pay for.”

Sulaiman also declared, “All writers are aware that their membership in the new BWAA will enhance their marketability. Therefore, for the good of boxing, we will require them to remit ten percent of their annual salary by wire transfer to a special new BWAA bank account that will be supervised by the WBC.”

After being informed that most boxing writers don’t have an annual salary, Sulaiman gulped and his face turned ashen. Later in the day, he announced, “I have spoken with the WBC board of governors. To accommodate those writers who don’t have an annual salary, the new BWAA will charge a flat fee for membership.”

Thomas Hauser can be reached by email at He notes that satire is the use of irony and humor to expose folly.
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